Saturday, May 29, 2010
I lo0k myself in the mirror, wondering 'what have i become?'. I thought everything would be fine but things happened and sometimes crashed my faith and hope inside of me. I wish i know what my future holds but i don't. I want it so0 bad to have a great future. A future that i always dream of. Right now, I can only try to see how it all will be...
Lo0k what it is now and all I see is me, the cause of every problem. I've been questioning myself whether am i supposed to be where i am but i really don't know anymore. The fear, the pain and the sorrow in me, slowly tear my faith and hope apart. I want to believe and i need to believe but i am weak. I'm to0 weak to know if i am somebody. Or feel that i am somebody who matters to someone. I am t0o scared to face the pain and sorrow again.
The hurt is to0 painful for me to endure it like a thousands times before. I don't want to feel hurt but sometimes you have to swallow it down your throat. It's like, i didn't want to but i chewed it, make it worse and swallowed it down even when i have the chance to threw it all up. I keep on doing that to prove that i can do it. Though at times i don't want a helping hand which feels like it can't do anything but to watch the awful tragedy happening. And somehow instead, i was building guilt.
What am i supposed to do??? I promised i'll change and prove. But deep down, i feel like im trying to0 hard when the pain is eating me from the inside... i am not that strong as i was...