TheNextLife0fMine

A comeback

2012-01-20T02:18:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum

For quite a while since the last time i actually write something on a blog. Well, let me tell you something... I realise that having this new blog (nextlifeofmine) doesn't really have any effect rather have a boring impact on me. Compare to the previous blog page i had (shortyzweirdoworld) it was more interesting and colourful. I guess, that you will be seeing me more on that page instead. I guess this is just a decoy... hahaha... Love me...

Love will never change one bit.

A new beginning

2011-10-04T22:28:00.000-07:00

The last that i wrote was nearly a year ago. Life has it's ups and downs. I did lost somewhere in town. However, Alhamdulillah. I have been driving through a road that has a wonderful scenery with it's gloomy weather every now and then.

I have a new job, a new life and a new beginning to begin with. With what that has happened to me, I felt like i've learnt alot more things in life. Do not take things for granted and always remember that whatever that has been given will be gone in a blink of an eye if not taken care of properly. HE who gave can take it away.

December

2010-12-22T16:11:00.000-08:00

The last i wrote in this lovely blog of mine was on November 18th. Today is 22 December 2010. 8 more days to the end of the year for 2010. And here comes 2011. 2010 has been yet another challenging year after all. There are much to be remembered and much more to be learn. There are no specific lesson that i can describe on how life mystery unfolds itself. You may not understand a word i say but when you are in my shoes, you probably learn to understand what my language be hold.

I can never really understand myself until i look at things with my heart not with my mind nor my eyes; Eyes look at its visibility, Mind looks at it as an object and it's ability while Heart looks beyond all that and as something worth to looking at.

I would like to share somethings if HE let me share with you all for my journey (some of them) is worth listening... Or perhaps... hahhaa...

Help me!!!

2010-11-18T04:02:00.000-08:00

Due to some technical faults,my computer has been rebo0t-ed!! Therefore, there are some informations for this blog but unfortunately, i can't retrieve it. So0 that's why it has some missing 'linkages'.... If you can help me...Please leave a msg at my Facebook page... www.facebook.com/hajar.rock ....thank you!!!

Appreciation and looking back

2010-10-26T04:58:00.000-07:00

I wanted to Thank someone for giving me an inspiring comment (i take it as inspiring). I really appreciate it, You know who you are *smileyz*...I also appreciate for the effort made by my cousin. Thank You...

Appreciation is a gesture everyone should have and being sincerely in appreciating it. Whatever someone has done for you, don't forget to say 'thank you...No matter how big or how small the things that they have done for you to make your life easier or to try and help you with whatever situation you are in. No matter if what they have done benefits you or not. A little 'thank you' will do everything.There isn't the need for you to buy them a huge boat that they have been wanting or evern do something real big like a surprise party. All that need is a 'Thank you' from you. So0, whatever and whoever they are and what they have done for you, don't forget to say thank you and appreciates their effort with you most sincere gesture... :D

I have something interesting to share, after reading the comment i did something that i should have done for so0 long ago... -->> reading my old blog (http://shortyzweirdoworld.blogspot.com).

While i was reading the posts, i felt like i was reading someone else's blog. NOT SAYING that I am GOOD but, it's like, it is AMAZING. I didn't really know that i could write all those kinds of posts. Again i repeat, not saying that i am go0d but I'm just amazed.To the rest of you, it would be another lame blog post by some lame girl/person. To me, it is a reflection of me of how i have evolved from being just a kid to an adult. In seeing myself, how i see the things in life my way. It is pretty SurPriSing!!!

However, I have decided to post some of the chosen posts over in my new blog. In the meantime, i am reading all the posts and choosing the appropriate ones that i wanted to share. I will link and give the details of where the post is taken from and if the rest of you are interested in reading the other posts.

So0 do enjoy reading...It's going to take awhile cause I will be 'adapting' posts from 2008 to 2006...Bear with me... I may not or may be in between of the process there will be current/presents post... Until then, thank you and i do appreciate your time reading my blog... Thank you!!!

Fresh

2010-10-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking alot and I end up to be confused and couldn't figured out what I was actually thinking. Have you ever been to this state of a point where you don't know what were you thinking and you were at peace but when you remembered what it were you began stressing your way through????

Particularly, i am at that state and I need some fresh air. Initially, it wasn't that bad but when it all comes in a bunch,all i can think about is the pros and cons of the situation. At times I can be really confused and wouldn't know which way to go and I might just ended up sitting at the same place over and over again. I can cry just thinking about it.

People keeps saying not to think to0 much and I would even give the same advise of which i myself sometimes couldn't even follow. It's not that i don't want to but at times they just give the need to have me thinking. It's suck cause, once i think...It can goes on and on and on and on... Not that i am doing nothing about it but because it involves other party and i am not in the power to ask for opinion from the direct party. So0 i can only think about the positive as well as the negative respond given along with the impacts each can make...In other words, I am sitting in the middle thinking about things 'will be' - 'will not';'may be' - 'may not';'can' - 'cannot'... etc....

I do need guidance and I need fresh air and a peace for my mind... Please Help me Allah...

Left behind

2010-10-21T11:19:00.001-07:00

It has been quite sometime since i actually write a blog not concerning about my everyday life. Or events that happened to me. My previous blog were usually about 'Life' as i see it. I don't know when was the last time i ever wrote it. I really miss that. It makes me realise alot more than i could imagine. In other words, i learnt something out of it. What happened???

From now onwards, im sure my blog will be packed with randomness of small little thingy of what i called LIFE as I know it... Nothing to do with the movie either... However, gratitude to the person who made me realise what i have left behind... Not a copy cat...Like i said, LEFT BEHIND... I jst need to start off the engines and get going... Just need some inspirations... :D

2010-10-17T00:12:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MUSLIM HUSBAND & WIFE

How to Make Your Spouse Happy [ Consultation (Shurah)]
* Specifically in family matters.
* Giving him/her the feeling that his/her opinion is important to you.
* Studying his/her opinion carefully.
* Be willing to change an opinion for his/hers if it is better.
* Thanking him/her for helping her/him with his/her opinions.

(extract from Facebook 'Happy Muslim Husband and Wife')

♥ I Need Allah In My Life ♥

Brothers & Sisters always remember that you are representing the teachings of Islam to those around you. Please make sure that the beauty of these teachings is visible to others by your speech, manners, dress style, attitude, and especially your profile photos and status updates/comments here on facebook. Therefore, seek Islamic knowledge so that you do not misrepresent the perfect & complete teachings of Islam.

(extract from Facebook 'I Need Allah In My Life')

Blogskin

2010-10-14T05:48:00.000-07:00

Hello0 people!!! I just change my blogskin to suits with every web browser... So0 bare with me, its unfinish...I already miss my old blogskin...Hopefully i will learn to love this sooner or later... Or else i might go browsing for another blogskin... Thank you so0 much!!!

Losing yet another friend

2010-10-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

I just lost a friend whom we've been together for more than 10 years. What had happened; is still unclear to me...

It is indeed sad to have lost with someone you called your own but it isn't my choice and it was hers...What else can i do but to accept the fact that she doesn't want to be friends with me as well as to respect her decision.

Knowing her, she is stubborn, selfish (in a way), and always lo0k out for trouble (rebellious in other word)... However, she is also a trustworthy, friendly and bubbly (in a way)... I never thought she would decide to have it this way... I'm just being concern and it is sad that your own friend wants to end friendship... For all i know, friendship lasts forever... And the most irritating part is -the reason is because i have a bf and other friends and it's her excuse to get away from me and also that she said 'she is not fit to be my friend cause of her ego and i will get hurt being her friend' (even so0 she wouldn't have any friends at all if she doesn't want her friends to get hurt???)... = Leave me with an enormous question marks ???????

Nevertheless, partially it is my fault. But somehow i don't know exactly what's the reason. Maybe its because i may have revealed some stuff to her out of anger...Maybe i have been pain in the ass for years and years... Maybe all i ever give her are advise and reasons... I thought i'd be the one that gave up on her but though i did once or twice, i never stop care for my friends... When im in silent doesn't mean i don't give a damn... But whatever the reason is,if im at fault, forgive me Allah for me i don't know what's the wrong... If it is the way she wants...Then let it be... May Allah protect us from all evil... May Allah be fair... Insya'allah...

Comments posted - real or fake?

2010-10-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

I have been receiving unknown comments at my comment box. Was wondering are they for real cause the link is a total weird thingy... Anyone can help???

Dreaming

2010-10-08T12:27:00.000-07:00

Whenever I close my eyes all i wish to see is you
Whenever I go for my run all i wish you were with me
Whenever I sit on the couch i wish to lie on you
Whenever I go out to eat i wish you would feed me

Then you were gone
How i wish it's just a dream
Empty spaces in between
I wish i am dreaming

I wish i could undone
Take back all the mean things
That make it all torn
How i wish i am dreaming

Pictures on my wall i could never bring it down
Too painful to tear them apart from the wall
The memories in mind could never be erased
Cause it is inside and part of me is your place

I pray every night to make my nightmares end
To make me a better dream
Believe in what i used to believe in
To wake me up from dreaming

Accept my reality and regain
However a part of me died in vein
Your love still remains
Holding on to what it may bring

When i opened my eyes you were there
I cant believe it if it is real
I tried not to cry
But really wish i am not dreaming

You hold me in your arms
Kiss me on my forehead
Whispers in my ears
Saying,

'Everything's ohky,i'm here babe.
You had a bad dream,crying in your sleep.
I ain't going anywhere i promise you, love.
You were only dreaming.'

2010-10-04T03:04:00.000-07:00

I'm dead tired

Usually when i get into fights i would tried so0 hard to reason with everything. Starts with defense and disagreement followed by reasons and outcomes end with conclusions. I always wonder what went wrong?Search for answers and the meaning of what's happening.Conclusion is to forgive and forget or to learn about one another and understand each other's characteristic. Another factor, shit happens and sometimes its karma.

After so0 much fights, hurt, fear and all that is in between. I beginning to feel tired and couldn't be bothered. I'm tired of reasoning and i'm tired to be the one that cares alot more than the other. It is hurtful to think and devastated to understand the meaning. Sometimes the meaning can be divided into multiples means which then lead to even deeper misunderstanding of situations.

I may be angry or turn to green (HULK) in some situations but it may not be what it may seems. All there is can be some thoughts saying,'what's next?' or 'i just want to breakdown..' or even sometimes wondered 'if we never have met?'...'How different can life be?'...'Is this the way life is?'

Too many questions so0 little time...I'm dead tired!!! I just couldn't be bothered anymore...At least that's what im feeling right at this moment... Hmmm.....

2010-10-01T03:41:00.000-07:00

Shocking news : My friend is a Gangster

A few days ago, there was an argument broke out between me and a friend of mine. It was like history repeats itself. I was getting tired to argue with her. Same old things. Was trying to understand her and everyone in between and at the end of the day i was being victimised. Heck!!! I told my friends to liaise with her if anything by any means. I ain't going to contact her for a while.

However, we talked things out and pour our thoughts. To find that it was all a misunderstanding and fear of the other person to be 'overrule' of the situation. In other words, fear of condemnation.I was afraid that she will be the history that occurred which it did. For her, she was afraid that I would condemn before she react therefore she reacted and takes 'control'.

First when i heard her reason i was quite puzzle..Why would i want to condemn her??? I had nothing to even start off the condemnation. She told me that 'ME' makes her goosebump if ever i were to start condemning so0 taking precautions, she started it. That is utterly ridiculous cause i won't start unless u starts it. So0 technically, she was pushing my button.

Nevertheless, I was curious on why she would even think that i would start the engine first and she told me that with the 'fights' i told her about gives her the 'protection' needed if it comes to her.She describes me as fierce and 'violent'...More or less like a gangster when comes to fight.

I laughed my heart out! I know that i was fierce in a way, if u give me one slap..I will give u ten times punch..But not anymore, im trying to make things or situations more rational and if it got out of hand, that attitude is my biggest weapon. Lucky for her, i couldn't care less about using it cause i had enough with humans that forget their origins...

Hope that we learnt alot more about each other this time and will keep on learning....

Friends Forever...

My idol

2010-09-14T23:49:00.000-07:00

Sexy like J.LO...

I'm so0 having an aim like i have always have the same aim since high school... Jennifer Lopez is my idol. She's hot, talented, and a very successful role model. She sing, dance, act, song writing,record producing,a fashion designer, a model, television producer, choreographer and an entrepreneur. And in addition to that, a wife and a mother to a pair of twins. She is a hot,sexy MOMMA!...

I have always love dancing and singing as well as in fashion clothing. Who doesn't? Everyone wants to look great in any and every way. J.Lo has that personality that is as i would describe it as down to earth, humorous and glamorous. She lo0ks stunning in any clothes she wears. Never lo0k dull or boring. Eventually, she has the charisma.

She is my idol and I love the way she brings herself to the world. I can learn alot from her. I just love....

weeee!!!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

2010-09-09T10:22:00.000-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir dan Batin

The month of Ramadhan has passed and here comes Syawal. The month of Ramadhan has been peaceful and forgiving. Alhamdulillah... Although there has been challenges that burns me with angst, alhamdulillah i can handle it with faith and peace. Alhamdulillah... "Allah Maha Besar"...Semoga Allah merahmati kita semua and sentiasa mengingati padaNya...Insya'allah...Dan Allah juga telah memberi nikmatNya pada malam Syawal. Alhamdulillah...Amin...

Kepada sekalian umat2 Islam, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir dan Batin... Sekiranya ada salah silap harap dimaafkan dan semoga Allah memberi rahmatNya dan nikmatNya pada kita dan kita sentiasa mengingati padaNya... Insya'allah....

Weeee~~~ Kueh raya!!!

Oldies

2010-08-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

Oldies

Comment exchanges on photo at Facebook with the Oldies and chatted with one late night sleeper. It was fun... It was so0 long ago since we last met. We had our times joined Futsal competitions for the Fun and Laughter of it. The only one funny incident that is VERY CLASSIC!!! ---->

Sunshine,the shortest ahh about my height lah but im the youngest. Well, we have this habit of DANCING in court but at that moment wasn't while playing. It was our break time and we were just having fun dancing here and there (influenced by me)... When the game started about a few minutes of playing, Sunshine was the keeper, i was on the field w the others RUNNING .. n she was STANDING with her KECOHness... A few minutes of the game, Sunshine screamed and was rolling on the flo0r screaming in a funny way... KAKI CRAMP KAKI CRAMP... The funny part, the ball wasn't near her at all... She was standing there and she just scream n cries in a funny way saying her leg was cramped.And I WAS LAUGHING my heads off...ROLLING ON THE FLO0R!!! Not only me... The 'medic' to0 was laughing as helping her...

Anywayz, we talked about old times, catching up and oh... POWER RANGERS... Yeah!!! Talked about Power Rangers... Tommy(Mighty Morphing)... Broke up w him, hooked up with Dustin (Ninja Storm) and he didn't really understand me like Tommy and hooked up with Tommy again (Dino Thunder)... Hilarious!!!!

Reader's Digest

2010-08-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

My day just subscribed Reader's Digest and im all excited about it. Reader's Digest is like my magazine. Hahaa...Although i kind of dislike it last time now, im loving it. I read this joke about dracula and it cracks me up!!! Here's the joke...

Dracula dies from a heart attack right after catching his favourite vampire series on TV. He goes to heaven where he's allowed to choose three qualities to have in his next life.

Dracula thinks really hard and finally makes up his mind. First, he says,'I still want want to be able to suck blood.'

Then he says, ' I want to have wings so i can fly.'

Lastly,he says ' and i want all women to want me.'

Whoosh - he was promptly turned into sanitary pad.

26 august 2010

2010-08-26T07:14:00.000-07:00

Today, i had time talking with Dearest Love,Mr Faiz for an hour. This week he'll be booking out on Saturday night and booking in on Monday night. Wo0W!!! Been missing him since Sunday. The feeling is indescribable. I wish he's here beside me and holding me in his arms and kissing my forehead.

Everyday, i wonder what he's doing...How he is... o0 o0 o0... N today, he injured himself. Although it's a minor injury still breaks my heart THOUGH he's a tough person... But not tough for me, he's my love2, where can get hurt2.... Sob2... Heart break2 leh... sob2... W/o talking to him, i felt missing and hoping every second that he's doing ohky. W/o talking to him, it feels missing as if i didnt do my chores right... I wish he'll be back early on Saturday evening instead of night...I am missing you terribly,dearest love... Muacks!!!

my nephew

2010-08-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

Today,mom,sis and me went to Geylang to buy my nephew(Syukriaziq) clothes. It was interesting that not much of people since it's a weekday. Nothing much, if only i have pictures to upload. anywayz, we met with my other nephew,Hanis. His hair is a wonder colours of streak cats' fur... hahha... However, he said that he will be enlisting for NS so0n... N i was like... What??? Already>??? OMG!!! My nephew is already 18 years old the one that was once the youngest... AWWWWW!!!... You will be missed even if im ur favourite aunty you like to pick on... Argh!!!! Be good!!!

Fate

2010-08-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

FATE

What is fate? (search engine - http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fate )

One of the definition - something that is unavoidably befalls someone. Do u really believe in that? For me, I do believe in fate but to a certain extent. In other words, how to pass an exam? We need to study and we'll have a pass in the paper... Is that fate? Or we make it fated? What im trying to say is that, fate do exist but without hard work..without solution,u cant possibly say it is fated that way... IF so0, why bother go through the challenges in life?

Life = challenges = fate

To make things happen we have to go through several hurdles in life and the process of going through certain level of life challenges. If there's a will, there's a way... Challenges sometimes end us up at a road where we fail to see what we want to see but with the will to think of a solution is another path of fate... Don't u think so0???

Im not a person that let fate be before doing something or think of a solution to a certain matter. In other words, not giving up...Unless if something is done and its just that, how patience can endure such cases? Then that is fate to be accepted.

This is how i lo0k at things life as it is with challenges and endurance - survival = fate...

Don't talk to me about fate before thinking of another solutions...Cause i won't accept it...

Happy 2nd Anniversary

2010-08-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY!!!

On the 20th of Aug, we met and have a little moment. The next day was our official celebrations of which it turned out to be a nightmare for me. I had diarrhea plus vomiting in the morning,was about to cancel the date when i thought i was fine. So0 the date goes on until we arrive at The Cathay. What a disaster it was...

The diarrhea came back and throughout the hours. Had to cancel the date and went back home. Waited for my parents to come back home from their dating session. Had fever and rest a little. Once my parents got home we went to the private doctor and end up have to go to the Yishun Hospital to have DRIP INSERTED in me!!!

Second Anniversary had to be in the hospital inserted w IV drip or something they call it since i was unable to consume water in that particular time. For about two hours i was in the observation ro0m with the drip on one had and another w the blo0d pressure machine.It is so0 annoying and irritating and the ro0m is DAMN COLD LAH!!! I asked for two blankets...

Had some sleeping time and there after I waited for my family to pick me up at the hospital and go back home. Was still uneasy so0 had some medicine and rest abit. End up having another fever... My body was damn HOT that darling said i was like the TORCH!!! hahhaha... Thank you,Dear!!!

However so0...Thank you for being there for me in the earlier part of the day and accompany me with my family to the hospital as well... I love you and i'm sorry our 2nd anniversary not that of what we thought it'd be. As you said Things happen for a reason. Though it was abit of a nightmare for me,it is still go0d cause ure there with me. ("...I dnt care cause ure here tonight...I can be your hero,baby...)

Muacks!!!

What's on my mind?

2010-08-17T05:03:00.000-07:00

My heart beats faster as the weekends coming nearer. I am more nervous than i used to be. A day in history for me to mark on my calendar and in my life. I want to make it good. I'm wondering what can i do to make it a day that would not be forgotten?

Lots of things and planning in my mind and i'm not sure which one to cho0se and how it'll be? Can it be done? Can it be a success? Gosh!!! I wish i have instant money and i have nothing to worry... Gosh!!!

Friday's here again

2010-08-06T01:48:00.000-07:00

Today is Friday!! The day My Darling book out. He went for an outfield yesterday and didn't call me for the night. I've been waiting for his call since morning and still waiting!!! Frankly, every Friday and every single time when i meet him, my heart goes for a race and my stomach had some butterflies flying uncontrollably around and around the space and waiting for the time to just fly up above... If you know what i mean... heheh...

My birhday w honey...

2010-08-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

The last post was about 1 to 2 months ago. Well, July's over and I celebrated my birthday on the eve with my darling and slack on the actual day. I celebrated with my parents on the night of the actual day...However, i had fun and appreciate their effort.

First off, my darling is being posted out to Clementi Camp. Therefore, he's back to being in camp and only out on weekends. How dreadful is that? Anyho0, he made the plans by himself and eventually surprised me with a very wonderful,enjoyable and unexpected day.

First up, we went to Sembawang to have our lunch at Fish and Chicks. Unfortunately, they weren't open yet. We make our way to Marina Square. We bought the movie tickets (Inception) with the voucher that i won several months ago. Then we had our lunch at the food court. Baby, surprise me with a gift. It's a pair headphones (onto). It PINK in colour...It really lo0ks co0l. Oh! We wore the same Polo T-shirt by Giordano, PURPLE!... haha...

After lunch we walk abit and go for the movie. The duration of the movie is around 2 hours and 30 minutes. The movie is co0l. Intellectual kind and some actions. Pretty awesome in a way... However, both of us not really a intellectual or factual kind of person when comes to movies...

We walked our way around the city and visited Marina Bay Sands. It's the newly built hotel/casino. We browse around and sit at this one particular area. I was kind of tired and planned to call it a day and hope to just slack around.

My darling brought me into the Marina Bay Sands and there were quite alot of people. I lo0k around and thought that's it and go home. Instead, my lovely sayang took two tickets for the admission to the Sky Park. I was speechless and stoned! hahaha...

We went up and he told me that we'll be expecting fireworks from the NDP rehearsal. I was quite excited. Before we settled down at a place. We went around the perimeter. I didnt really enjoy that part cause i was tired and the were alot of people. There were swimming pool as well only for guests of the hotel. It's 20 bucks and i don't wish to go up again, i forced myself to walk around with all this irritating people... hahaha...

At last, we had our place but not comfortable and had to stand there for 2 hrs just to see the fireworks. It was worthwhile waiting for 2 hrs for 5 minutes of fireworks. The fireworks were right infront of my eyes. ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!... N i was with my DEAREST LOVE.

I had a great time.

Damn pissed!!!

2010-06-09T07:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know if whatever i do is right. Cause for being myself is wrong and trying to be someone i can't is far than wrong. What else am i??? Am i not have the right??? Am i someone??? Ive tried my best but i failed. I don't know how long i can take to feel a burden to any one and every one. I tried to be the best that i am but all i'm getting is the worse more than the good. Do i really need someone to say that i am good?? and trying to change some things that what have made me just to have 'you're great' in someone else' mouth???

I don't know what i am capable of anymore and i don't know what makes me... ME...???

My hobbies

2010-06-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since i updated my blog.

Everything seems to be a blur. Whenever I have something good to write but i can't seem to type it down cause I kind of forget what exactly the purpose for me to write. Maybe just to update people but at times i feel like it's not necessary for something to be updated. Anywayz, I couldn't find much topic or life event to talk about. So0, i thought I share something that a primary school kid would think it's boring.

My hobbies

My hobbies, that's the topic of the day. Years ago my hobbies were studying, jogging, sleep, watch movies, listening to music, dancing, singing, acting, talking on the phone and walking around Singapore. Most of the hobbies are still my hobbies, but it has been decreased. Now my hobbies are watching movies, talking on the phone, walking around Singapore and well... watching drama series...

I've been watching Charmed from Season 1 to the last Season 8. Almost EVERYDAY without fail i will be watching one or at least 5 to 10 episodes a day (depending on the connection). It took me about 5 to 6 weeks to complete... And now that i already completed, i wondering what other drama series would entertain my day. I tried Buffy the Vampire Slayer but not exciting as it used to be... I tried Friends, sadly there isn't any compatible program... so0, i watched Criminal Minds... Somehow i miss watching Charmed. I am watching it again from Season 1... Not that i am a total fanatic but seriously, watching Criminal Minds is challenging but not entertaining as Charmed has given me... hahaha...

Call me crazy but i am loving it... =D

2010-05-29T01:37:00.000-07:00

I lo0k myself in the mirror, wondering 'what have i become?'. I thought everything would be fine but things happened and sometimes crashed my faith and hope inside of me. I wish i know what my future holds but i don't. I want it so0 bad to have a great future. A future that i always dream of. Right now, I can only try to see how it all will be...

Lo0k what it is now and all I see is me, the cause of every problem. I've been questioning myself whether am i supposed to be where i am but i really don't know anymore. The fear, the pain and the sorrow in me, slowly tear my faith and hope apart. I want to believe and i need to believe but i am weak. I'm to0 weak to know if i am somebody. Or feel that i am somebody who matters to someone. I am t0o scared to face the pain and sorrow again.

The hurt is to0 painful for me to endure it like a thousands times before. I don't want to feel hurt but sometimes you have to swallow it down your throat. It's like, i didn't want to but i chewed it, make it worse and swallowed it down even when i have the chance to threw it all up. I keep on doing that to prove that i can do it. Though at times i don't want a helping hand which feels like it can't do anything but to watch the awful tragedy happening. And somehow instead, i was building guilt.

What am i supposed to do??? I promised i'll change and prove. But deep down, i feel like im trying to0 hard when the pain is eating me from the inside... i am not that strong as i was...

2010-05-20T05:52:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 21ST MONTHSARY, HONEY DEAR!!!!

I love you so0 much and we both forgotten about it although we talked till 3 in the morning... Nevertheless, I wised you at 12:o6 hehehe... Happy love, sayang... Muacks!!!

2010-05-20T05:34:00.000-07:00

I never want to hurt you

I never want to make you sad

All i want is for you to know

And just to understand

Not on purpose

No, it's not

Just to let go

without a doubt

Now you feel what i have felt

Don't be sorry or feel regret

I want you to be happy

That's why i want to see what u see

However, i feel awkward

You don't seems to agree with any word

Tell me why, why not?

I have given you my thought

You agreed that you understand

Why I would have taken this steps

But instead you don't and won't

You didn't expect that it turns out to be a wound

I'm sorry, I really am

Are there any other ways then?

Wouldn't let go of that feelings is the answer

So that both of us won't suffer

I would be in your perspectives

Without you changing a thing

You would be happy

Cause I can see what you see...

2010-05-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

I won't deny that i always have been a bad timing girl. My intentions are good, deep and pure from my sincere heart. I don't mean to cause anything but what i want to get something from expressing the loyalty,is something special out of it and the worth of telling them. Unfortunately all i get is i'm being inconsiderable. I do admit that it was last minute. I am sorry about it and i am...

Neither would I deny that im suppressing my anger for being such an idiot for expressing the emotions cause i end up upsetting you for causing something else to happen. You are angry for that something else to happen and i am sorry but do you ever thought that at least it's worth it??? Or is it, the expressing part is a bore for you? It's just the same thing over and over and it doesn't even mean anything near special to be an acceptation for that something else to happen???

I don't know if i want to know the answer... But I promise you that i will stop being emotional and im really sorry for making you angry...

Love me love u

2010-05-16T01:04:00.000-07:00

I climbed the mountain to search for IT

At first I thought I won't find any

I went on to go for others

And I end up reaching for another

It was a perfect morning to begin with

I fell to the ground got up on my own

Smile and laughter replaced with pain and suffer

Tears of despair in silent became my companion

My heart longs for the one

But the scar kept me away from it

The hurt was to0 painful for me to carry

But no one was around to save me

I hide behind a mask

Not wanting anyone to see

No one would understand

The loneliness i feel

Days becomes months

And months becomes years

So0 many things happened

And I am still here

I took the risk to climbed another mountain

Not in search of my first intention

Someone came by and sat beside me

Share his experiences over a cup of tea

He made wonders out of despair

Made me smile and took me there

Stars and blue sky are the kind

He made his way into my mind

We walked through gardens with hands together

But sometimes we do fall and hate one another

We broke the ties when the feelings weren't there

Again my heart broke without being paired

I held my heads up high

Though my heart were down under

I cried every night without fail

I wish that time would unveil

My feelings for him never fade

It hurts to see what it is made

Strong and pure but lonely

Only thoughts is to set it free

Other came in to show what it is

But my heart knows nothing is close as his

I still have the hope and faith

Then again, i don't want to fail

I let it go with my heart still burns for him

He came by and give me his hand

I could have tossed it aside

But my instinct pull him to my sight

He proved to me his love

He puts me as first

Never he want to leave

Never he want me to go

Many things has happened

We approached it with hope

Our love blossoming

We want eternity

He needs me,I need him

Nothing is better than we have each other

The love we are is what we see

Our love is now only you and me

2010-05-10T05:39:00.000-07:00

The Stairs of Life

I lo0ked back to when i can remember. Reminisce all the memories i have. From the day i was as young and adventurous to an adult with responsibilities of her own. I never thought how far journey i've went but in my heart knows that there are always a reason behind everything.

The picture above is a picture my darling, Faiz to0k when we were at the Pinnacle (Eiffel tower of singapore i call it). It was taken on the 50th storey down... It lo0ks fabulous, of course.

Well, stairs are the 'to0l' that bring us up to the level that we wanted or need to0. Lo0k at life when we were born; on the 1st level where everything is safe. 2nd level we went to a little bit higher but abit dangerous or so,like learning how to walk... And as we go on the steps everything gets harder and more dangerous and more of things we need to take note of... The challenges in life is not as easy but when we lo0k down towards the steps that we have went... Wouldn't a sentence like "we've come so0 far" appeared? When we lo0k down doesn't mean we are scared about the height but we are aware of how far and how much courage have we gotten to get us where we are... Even, it give us the motivation and determination to do so0...

That is what i have in mind now and the picture just something to be inspired of... Thanks to my dear lovely bf, Faiz Paposh... hehehe...

1 week after

2010-05-02T01:36:00.000-07:00

1 week after... Been one week since i'm under the weather... Had a LONNNGGGG week at home... Been home all week resting and had my time out as well for fresh and exciting days...

It has been awhile since i have this normal sickness which stretched up to a week and it is kind of drastic as well... Gosh!!! Finally, its gone and my voice is back..though not totally...

Honestly, quite alot of personal things have happened to me and alot of lessons to be learnt as well... Relationship, friendship and family... Most of all, i learnt alot about myself. Sometimes you thought you knew all about yourself but sometimes 'time' tells what actually you're not paying attention to yourself... For my case, commonly and everyone might not paying attention to0...is... your HEALTH!!! Like they say, what you are is what you eat... Maybe not totally... hahahha...

Life has it's own specialty to its own creation... Know it and nurture it well... You will blo0m into a beautiful flower...

Sick!!!

2010-04-28T05:12:00.000-07:00

I've been sick since Friday night and went to the doctor twice, have yet to be cured. Nothing much actually only that i have been under the weather and the spell of the Charmed ones... Yep, other than watching Supernatural...I'm watching Charmed!!! Believe it or not??? Well, it's pretty lame but kind of co0l and funny still Supernatural is way better... Muahahhaha.... Anywayz, i got flu, headaches, fever, cough... I'm really having that kind of sickness... An irritating one!!! I rather have a painful sickness than an irritating one though... hahahah... o0hky, maybe not!!! Hope i will get well so0n enough... weee~~

discussion

2010-04-26T10:55:00.000-07:00

What is it called when someone said, im bringing along someone to a place, we spend time together k? Is that a discussion?? Or is that an information being told as an update??? So0, would there be any discussions of it then??? Or is it a 'sure' or a 'no' answer??? From my experience, a 'sure' and a 'no' answer is not the answer for 'we're having a discussion'?

Been 2 years

2010-04-24T15:06:00.000-07:00

It has been two years since he left us. I miss him so0 much... The best and forever be the only one, Bob... I didn't sleep the whole night cause i can't sleep... Well, actually, i did sleep but more likely i felt like i was just closing my eyes along the hours... Miss him, yeah... Alot... I cried actually... I cried... Before i sleep, in my sleep, in my dreams... n now!!! I'm crying...

The Backup plan

2010-04-24T04:07:00.000-07:00

I read about this new movie, "The Back-up Plan" acts Jennifer Lopez and this new or not that i know of actor...

It's about this woman who is single and wanted a baby... So0 she went for this thing that injected frozen semen into her to get pregnant. On the day she had the procedure, was on the day she met a guy...

Things started to happen... Well... Let me just cut off the spoiler to there only... The thing is that this 'The Back-up Plan' was what i had in mind like 4 years ago... When i was 18 years old... You can call me fo0lish but i'm not lying and it's the facts...

Then, before I met Mr Love... I had met alot of guys whom, well, cut my heart out and pull it out from my throat to my mouth and eventually threw it on the flo0r and smashed,mashed, name it...My heart became tomato sauce... Or in other simpler words everyone would recognise... My heart broke into pieces... Kind of suck to go through all that moments...

So0, i told myself that there isn't or perhaps wasn't any guy that are go0d enough for me. Why would you want to hurt yourself with guys that utterly don't even want you? or need you to be precise?? Why would you want to be with a guy that does not appreciate you for who or what you are??? It's rather being alone and be hurt not because by another stupid,fo0lish creature that you adored...

However, i do want to have family of my own... So0 i had some crazy plan...or so0 i thought it is...

Similarly, I had the plan to have semen injected in me... But that would be sinful cause im not married and it is similarly like having pre-marital sex... Another way was just, get married to a guy who doesn't want commitment... Get married,get pregnant and get a divorce after giving birth... No charge at all... Crazy!!! Yeah!!!

That was just crazy... Nonetheless, I know somewhere out there, and deep down inside of me, someone adores me and was just waiting for me to be found. He's searching for me but i've lost my way in the woods and he has yet to found me...

I know i did had crazy ideas... But i was just 18 years old... It's scary to lo0k at everyone who was once in love - broken to pieces, you know... I longed for a love that is like no other than what i've seen. Although along the way i met some guys who may have been Mr Perfect, it was never close to being the love i've dreamt for... There wouldn't be any romantic dinner at a garden with candle lights and roses and just a beautiful dress that flatters my figure... There wouldn't be any... This kind never existed(so0 i thought)...

Till I met Mr Love... Everything changed... N for a fact, I ain't going to do that... However so0, there's still one option left... Adoption... That's all there is... Anyways, the movie just remind me of the plan i had back then...That's all... hahha...

Rainy Day at Home

2010-04-22T03:31:00.000-07:00

It's a rainy day today and i'm at home for some reasons (disclosure)... Anywayz, other than doing what I am doing - I was watching Supernatural to the very last episodes that is available. Waiting for the others episode to the last season...

It feels so cozy and great being at home watching Supernatural. The sound of thunder is like the so0thing music that flows around my ear. I also have my book over at the desk and drinking plain water... I feel really co0l... Eventually, I am enjoying my day peacefully doing what I love most (other than being outdoors and loving my love ones)- watching drama series and being psyched about it...

Other than feeling great, i'm feeling rather awesome... I don't know if this is a sign but i'm pretty sure that it's go0d... Or perhaps, LIFE... hahah...

Rainy day just make my pain go away... Sunny, fine day make my day an extremely excited day... Just feeling warm and cozy,if i may say... Enjoy your day...

Here let me counter abit about what Supernatural Season 5 is all about -

Dean and Sam is no longer were hunts by the Deamon but also by Angel... Lucifer and Michael... Pretty Crappy!!! I know... It's like totally, against the creation of all creations... Not to mention there's abit of God (not in a form,of course)... Not crappy...erm...BULLSHIT!!! That is... No offence to the Supernatural Fans out there (or among those reading, i may be the only one), but seriously, the story is really crap and not for underage kids to watch unless they are SMART enough not to believe anything about it...

Supernatural to me, is just another fictional show - only for entertainment... Other than the facts that the HOT STUFF (Dean and Sam) is all about the actions... C'mon, I've been watching this kind of Drama Series since I can remember... Hercules, Xena, Team Knight Riders, Robin Hood, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed, Angel, Dark Angel ...etc... so0 yeah...

A piece of advice... Allah is the creation of this world... Read the Al-Quran and believe the Al-Quran... Not some director stories who've changed things here and there... No offence again...

Alright, so0 much about one of my favourites.. Let see.. o0h I got my favourite crime shows to0 - CSIs, Criminal Minds, Bones, Women's Club, Mentalist (so0 far)... CSI, however, getting abit boring and somehow i can predict most of what's next and who's the criminal by watching only 10 minutes of the show... But again, how to solve here and there about a case is pretty interesting... Sometimes i distract myself doing something while watching CSI cause, i don't want to be Sherlock Holmes at the beginning of the show... The rest, still o0hky of course...Only, the season has ended... Hmm... Wonder if i can search for it... Yeah!!!... Awesome!!!

To all, enjoy everything till the very last moment... You never know when you'll die...

Lost my Staff Pass

2010-04-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know why i didn't double check when i always do and i kind of can't remember the exact place it went to0... Damn!! Aside from having I/C replacement fees problem comes another replacement fee... Gosh!!! What is happening? I need to eat more of raisins...Hiak dush!!!

Anyways, every night i've been watching Supernatural Season 5... 2 to 3 episodes per night. Latest i sleep at 3am... Co0l??? hahha.. Yeah!! Long await time since season 4... Well, the first 3 seasons are the best...Comes 4 and 5... Abit off the limit of my imagination... However, i like to watch DEAN N SAM in action... That's all... N the HUMOR!!! hahaha.... o0hky...

While waiting for it to load, is either i blog or playing games... hmmm... Nicey nicey!!!

2010-04-20T11:44:00.000-07:00

Happy 20th Monthsary,Honey!

He wished me 2 minutes after midnight and eventually, i lost track of time and I, honestly didn't know it's already the 20th. In my head, i thought 20th would be next week... When he wished me, i went all speechless cause,for the first time in my life, I TOTALLY FORGOT about our monthsary or any other 'special date' that ought to be VERY MEANINGFUL to me... I mean, i really FORGOT about it..Usually, i would remember the date is drawing closer and only a late wishes...But this time, it wasn't in my mind AT ALL... I EXPECTED it to be NEXT WEEK... hahha... Time fly very fast...

Let me share something with you...

3 words : I love him...

Weirdest dream

2010-04-19T10:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up today just to find myself wondering what should i do???? In my hand was my handphone. First, i thought it was a relief that i was just dreaming but the dream somehow caught up with me.

First, i dreamt about my nephew coming home and in my arms and well, he wasn't alone nor the only child there was another baby girl. However, before that my family and i had a vacation...

So0, i was kind of outside my house at the corridor and, there he was(my ex) standing at the gate, lo0king at me... I ignored him and continued with what i was doing(couldn't remember exactly)... He gave me this lo0k and i lo0k at him angrily and asked 'Y R U DOING THIS TO ME?'....

I woke up..now im wondering, why the hell i said that when it's all been settled??? Gosh!!!

Jonathan Leong

2010-04-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

If you people remember Jonathan Leong, J.L from Singapore Idol season 2... I was the big fan and WISHED to have met him and hang out with him then... Well, guess what... I saw him the other time but didnt sure if it's him cause he was kind of short and thought somebody has the same lo0k as him... Today, I went to work get on the same bus as him and i was really certain that's him... After work i get on the Express and he was there to0... I was damn sure it's him... He tattoo on his arm, kinda co0l... Not the typical tattoo you see on skin w the 'people'... I wasn't sure if i would want to say HI... However, when i went back home... I check out his myspace and damn sure the person that lo0ks like J.L IS J.L... hahahha... Kinda weird, the artist that you once loved is somehow standing next to you and you couldn't even utter a single word nor give him a smile... LIKE WHAT!!! HAHAHAHA... This proves, i'm not a 'fanatic fan' of anyone when it comes to being just a plain human being... =D

I am missing him

2010-04-18T04:32:00.001-07:00

I am missing him pretty badly... This is the 1st picture of him i uploaded in my blog. I am missing him really bad and whenever i think of him, it just makes me more mad than i ever was before... To avoid any 'more' of complication, i will disclosed the content of what exactly really going on but if you have read my facebook status previously, you would probably, roughly know what i'm talking about...

Whoever interested in knowing more of the 'disclosure content'.. You can contact me personally... I will tell you more of the story...Believe it or not, it's up to u to decide... Cause you only hear my part of the story... so0 yeah, i ain't forcing you to believe me or be on my side either...

Anyho0o0o... Norsyukriaziq is my nephew whom i love like any other nephews i have... Whom i showered my love with... Sadly, enough i can't share whatever i have shared with my other nephews to him... Y? Just simple as that... Just can't...

I have to forget him in a way or another but he kept appearing in my dreams... Kind of pissed!! Not to him but, like ive said..The more I miss him the more i am angry and the more i just want to sho0t those 'motherfuckers' head (excuse my language)...

I know forgetting him is not a solution at all cause he's totally is my nephew... However, i know myself than anyone else... The fact, whether they want to understand me/us and be understo0d all at the same time... If not, what else can we all do0??? Gosh!!!

Well, I can't lie to myself either that i am missing him alot... hahaha... hmm... Just hope this uploading pix and tell the story would make something out of it... hmm...

Anyways, this photo is taken on the second day of the purchase of Tigger (Pablo0sh - Faiz bought it for me)... Syukri seems to like Palo0sh really much and never scared of it. He laughed and smiled and kissed that big nose of Pablo0sh.. Somehow i kind of glad he like that big stuff toy of mine... Not to mention he likes taking photos of him... hahha... Pretty cute.. I will upload more of his pixy...so0n... now i wanna get back to Supernatural-ing...

Hobbies

2010-04-18T01:54:00.000-07:00

I'm starting back to read books and currently i'm reading about criminal. Basically, some sort like 'Criminal Minds' kind of stories, in words... Its about this murderer who feeds on the fear of others... The book is entitled 'Fear Itself'...It's really an interesting book has a good content. Not so0 chimp in the words they use, brief description of the event and basically, it gets me going on reading it... Has yet to finish though...

Other than reading, i'm catching up with my favourite TV series, Supernatural season 5... weee~~~ Watching it, right now...

Back from a very long vacation

2010-04-15T09:51:00.001-07:00

Hey there everyone...Those who have been waiting for my post since like...erm LAST YEAR NOVEMBER!!!! muahahha....Here it is and im really sorry... Well, it's a blog entitled (thenextlifeofmine) and yet i haven't been updating since G.I.JOE post... hahaha... o0h well, alot of things venture in and out of my life that at some point, i wondered if i should or shouldn't despite the fact that i didn't have any internet services yet....

Let me recall...

New year's over... Not quite how a New Year should start. I quit my Sentosa job and now is working at UNIVERSAL STUDIO SINGAPORE. There are ups and downs with my life,of course...

Now is already April, four months after...

Relationship - I love him so0 much...

Friends - We're having our own board of communications and we tried to get in touch as often as possible. haha...

Family - Long winded story... Summarized... Syukriaziq is no longer part of my family. Not that I threw him out of my life but i should forget him in order to not make 'big' things happened... Think of him will fire off my angst towards the mother... So0 let it alone...

My dad, keep asking me about jobs...Like argh!!! I'm doing my best here... My mom is damned furious with the in laws...

Myself - Getting my hobbies back on track and moving forward. I am doing fine with everything... Still picking up pieces here and there... Overall, i'm doing just fine... =D

To Ima!!! Pantat aku sakit!!! hahahha... I got up in the morning yesterday and find my ass in pain... Not sure why... I wonder how i sleep??? Or maybe someone spank my ass while i was sleeping... Who the hell would it be??? Asshole!!!

I'm back

2009-11-18T23:20:00.000-08:00

I'm back!! The last entry is on 10th august and now is like 18th November... Next year will be coming so0n and it's like very inspiring to begin year...

What has been happening for the past 3 months... Let me just points of the events... :-

Happy with the celebration of Our Anniversary... (I love you, honey)...

Hari Raya Aidilfitri was a moment for all of us to celebrate with joy and happiness. In addition to my and my family happiness; an addition to a family member...Practically, two days before the actual, event... Norsyukriaziq came to this world... Nevertheless, was born premature and has to stay in the hospital for 1 month 1 week...Now, he's back home and healthy and i love him so0... hehe...

Didnt get to attend Azian's Birthday BBQ at Malaysia such that there's a 'kenduri' for the arrival of Syukri the next day. Addition that on the same date, my other nephew had his BBQ at East Coast..
Since didn't get to celebrate Azian's Birthday, we had a belated surprised a week after. Just a simple one..,
Syukriaziq is now two months old and he's a very active boy... Not to mention clever... heh... :D

So far, that's the updates at the moment... Until then... bla

G.I JOE~!

2009-08-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

G.I JOE

o0o0o0o yeah!!! I watched it last Friday and it's AWESOME!!! Well, not much of a story line and it's a purely GO0D VERSUS EVIL!!! I wonder how many people died in the destructionsssss... hahaha... Well, surely i enjoyed it cause it's ACTION PACKED!!! LIKE AWESOME!!!! If i can have the ACCELERATOR SUIT, i'm sure i will get out the house 15mins before work... huaks!!!

I shall give 4/5 nachos for the movie... weeee....

24th july 2009

2009-07-29T21:48:00.000-07:00

My 21st Birthday Celebration (24th to 25th July)

First of all, I want to thank to all of those who has put in effort to wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I am grateful, though I was awaken by messages every few minutes in the morning. But i'm co0l and Joyously happy with your sincerity!I to0 want to thank those who've wished me via Facebook... THANK YOU!!!

Under some circumstances, Mr Cavey couldn't make it on 25th july for the actual day celebration therefore, we celebrated on the 24th july which is on Friday instead...

We went to watch movie as planned, Public Enemies. The movie was quite o0hky and as exciting as i thought it would.However, I did enjoyed the movie and knowing how a criminal can easily played the cops and detectives. Funny!!! Really!!! They out to get him but when he's in the building talking to them, eventually they didn't know it's him... How darn is that? But it's quite interesting to watch to0...

There after we went to have lunch at delifrance. Mr Cavey Dear, bought the duck breast with lemon sauce and I have beef bolognse. Not a wise choice, though... We had a pleasant lunch and to0k pictures of each other... hehe...

We then went to Mr Cavey's NS fwen BBQ pit (cohesion) at ECP and I am so0 embarrassed to be there such that all are guys. I'm not a very friendly person, you see... So0, I didn't want to interrupt Mr Cavey re-united with the NS peeps, i went on and enjoy the breeze... I miss the beach and shore... huaks! Though, im working at the beach everyday... Almost!

Not until 7.30pm, i heard them having some meeting for the next day. The next thing i heard was a birthday song which i didn't expect it would be for ME when I saw Mr Cavey holds the cake walking towards me. I was wondering what his fren were doing, well, the candle won't light up so0 they used the light from the hp... -__-"

Finally, the candle lights up and i blew out with a wish that i keep to myself. Baby dearest, gave me a present which turns me into a totally mute and speechless person. He have bought me a Harley Davidson T-shirt and miniture...Not only that,he surprised me even further giving me a necklace n a bracelet... (I LOVE YOU!!!)

I've never had this moment before and i am the luckiest girl... MUACKS!!!

25th July

Received lots of msgs and i am pleased to have them coming. I was upset cause my friends are all working and i thought to hang out, have a little time together not such a big thing like last time. Unfortunately, they were working (at least, that's what they claimed). Helmi, called me to hang out with him at Macdonalds at around no0n.

S0o, i was getting ready and searching for my clothes. I went outside once and didn't thought of the other shirt to wear. I went the next and I saw THREE OF MY BESTEST BEST FRIENDS standing outside with Prime bags in hand. They went blank and I was dammn shocked lah!!! Guess i surprised you peeps!!! huaks!!!...

They eventually brought unco0ked fo0d and co0k for me!! How nice of you people!!! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!!! MUACK!!! I became the wash lady... Azian co0k the no0dle, Shikin oven-ed the nuggets and Helmi...well...he only do the drinks... hhahahhaa... We had lunch and cut the cake session... Next activity, karaoke!!!

o0o... n they bought me a teddy bear which i named it as Kinanmie-ShiKIN, AziAN,HelMIE... hehe....Yay!! I got Paposh and Kinanmie to accompany me...Wuho0o0o!!!

Next stop, in the evening, they went home and continue on with the celebration with my family. My parents did a c0ol present and I am impressed! Handmake... I appreciate it... and we went out for dinner at FISH AND CHICKS!! I have the CARBONARA and the CHESSY FRIESSSS...!!!

It was an interesting dinner, especially with the Baby Shasha around... I'm not in the spot light but she is!!! Hahaha... Cute!!!

The next day, my celebration continue on with HAIZEL, ALFIE AND AZIM around... We went picnic at Sentosa. It has been quite a while since I swim.... It was the first for Shasha but she seems to enjoy it except for the sand part...

I to0k a lot of videos though.. got to load it up so0n... In the meantime...

THANK YOU TO ALL!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!MUACKSSS!!!

2009-07-23T06:05:00.000-07:00

Nothing much happened today but I talked to the CEO..wah..shocking... co0l guy though... haiyah, my legs can be detached if not going to take care of them... Can't wait for tomorrow.... WEEEEEE!!!!!

22 July 2009

2009-07-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

22 July 2009 (counting down the days)

Eclipse... So0, it was... Tsunami? I survived and by the beach, still breathing... :D

First to start off the day with co0ling weather, which became COLD weather. It was raining heavily and my shoes are wet!!! Not to mention, Im at Sentosa Nature Discovery, so basically, i am quite exposed to the outdo0r at certain point. the eclipse was not being seen such that it's at the other side of the world or so they claim. Nevertheless, today marks the news that tsunami will be approaching but, hey... i don't encounter any...

Today was quite a fine day after recovering from my sickness although my legs are nearly detached off from my body and still in the dizzy mode but i've survived. Tomorrow will be another 12hrs shift and I'm beginning to have chattering knees for next week schedule... I still don't know what are the changes for next week but i hope i won't fall sick...I've been falling sick quite often lately... haiyah!!!

Love

2009-07-21T00:20:00.000-07:00

LOVE

What is 'LOVE'? I've been asking myself the same question for quite a long time until one day, the lightning come down on me. Do i take it as the wrong path or is it the right path or is it just a path that leads me somewhere in life?

Love is subjective to individuals but generally, love is a feeling that each individual has from a very young age as a newborn baby. It is a gift that a living thing can have, human being and other creatures alike. For an instant, love is a strong affection for another arising of kinship or personal ties, warm attachment or devotion (taken from Merriam-Webster dictionary).

Let me just narrow it down to what possibly, I am going through. Besides, it's my blog which means a subject to an attachment to my life as well. Today's subject is about 'LOVE'...well, love has always been the subject isn't it? hahaha...

I can never explain when someone ask me about Love or simply when i watch a romantic movie. What is 'Love'? Why do love is considered powerful? Why do we need to be in love? "Never underestimated the power of Love"...

When I go down the memory lane to search what it means, I only see pain and tears. Hurt and disappointment. There were thousands of reasons not to be in 'Love'. And those who have gone through it, tell me not to step into the po0l of love before the time comes, before i am prepared, before i have enough defense to face it. Mostly, the word "never" seems to be conquering the motive of what 'love' is... It seems dangerous.

Out of curiosity, I went on and wonder myself and more or less i learnt bit by bit in a hard way. The pain and suferring i went through. The hurt and disappointment that I could not bare to carry. The worst i fear, happened and the only way out i could think of is run! Run away from Love. Run as far as I could, just run... Run from reality that I am living.

How long and how far can I run? Love will just comes by and sweep me off the ground. I asked, I searched and I went...Once I knew, I ran??And now it's after me? Sounds stupid!! It's either i stay and fight, use the force against itself or i can just run all my life with fear inside of me, let it built a hole and hatred.

I stayed and let it lo0se. Love is blind. Love is simple only we as human make things complex. However, I still cannot explain what is 'love'. Why people cry over love and etc... The only thing i can say is; when you fall in love you will know what it means... Love is what it is that make people think they are such...

Love is beautiful and it's life. It's wonderful and complete that you're amazed with what you've been given. Love can be hurt, pain and suffering. That you will always want to give up and let go. Love is Power and it is complex to understand but those who holds it in their hands with sincerity and pureness of their heart, it will be a little less complex, in fact, it will be simple. Nothing a human going through is ever easy. Love is part of life and concluded to most, is LIFE.

Those who told me and have 'never' in their words... They are just trying to protect me. Protect me from getting hurt as they were once hurt. The fact of life, everyone will have to go through the hurt to understand. It is a gift to have the love...

To me, I won't say, I ch0se either the right or the wrong path... I'd say, i chose the path that leads me to the knowing of a gift being given to me...

Sick!

2009-07-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

Sick Sick Sick!!! Today I'm SICK!!! Haiyah! Should help with the attractions but wasn't feeling well to be helping. I went to the doctor and it was damn long queue. I nearly lay down on the flo0r. Like my head was throbbing but i show no sign of pain. The next thing i knew someone else have landed on the flo0r. haiz... It would be embarrassed for me cause I was alone and I wonder who would come to my rescue...

I got 25th to my own but like no one to spend it with and I want to watch fireworks upon the National Day Parade rehearsal... can or not? It'll be extravagant... huaks!!! Well, my family will be on Sunday cause my bro is off on Sunday only... hmm... then my sis SEBOK! wants to celebrate 2nd time b'day... hahaha... Leeches!!! huaks!!! (jahat aku... hehehe)

Hopefully, Shasha can be there... I thought of asking Irfan and Haizel but both of them might not be free on that day. It's the weekends... Haiyah... Well, my 21st birthday and I have nothing much unlike the previous years... weee~~~... hahaha... Sound sad? Can say lah but different... hehehe... :D

Shasha, Me and Haizel (last year's b'day), Irfan, Putri and Norhan (at their house)

Shasha

2009-07-19T06:42:00.000-07:00

Shasha finally came to my house... Wee~~~ Missing her!! However, she is so0 'MANJA' with my brother. Like so0 'MENYAMPAH'!!! Well, she went for swimming at the toilet though she's not in favour of swimming... She waves and flying kisses with us N N N she also make faces... Cute one though... and o0, she kiss me to0... weeeheheheh~~~!!! I hope the video can be seen, my hangphone is not in go0d quality though... some pictures to0...hehehe...

One more week

2009-07-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

My birthday will be just around the corner I wished to wear a tiara but I wonder if I can pull it off with my outfit. Certainly, i would want to wear the dress that i've worn only once. That would go along with the tiara but wouldn't it be to0 much? hmm....

Black roses, a tiara and a surprise party on my wishlist but I don't think any of it would ever be coming true this year. Anyways, there are other occasion that i can have it except the surprise party... huaks!!! Well, im to0 go0d for friends to surprise me... huaks.. Another thing, I am quite tired this month and to0 tired to even think of celebrating my birthday.

Every year, i would have my special gift somewhere but this year, I don't really have anything i can think of to be a gift, except a jacket which i might be getting it pratically end of the year... I am a jacket freak remember... However, that obviously wouldn't be the gift of the year, nevermind maybe i'll have...Honestly, i think i already have my gift and hehehehe... A gift that I should cherish with my life. A gift that makes me smile and cry at times. A gift that only HE can give to a human being... I love my gift that has been given to me since last year a month after my 20th birthday... The AWESOME gift that i could ever wish for... weee~ MUACKS!!!

engagement

2009-07-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

Happy Engagement Day, fwen!!!

The words says : Selamat Bertunang Zumaat <3 Norazian 27th June 2009

I thought I would be late such that I was from my grandma's house at Pontian, Serkat. It took 2 hours or so0 to arrive in Johor Bahru (Impian Emas). Luckily, I got there first before the man whom was late to0. Alhamdulillah, everything went smo0thly.

The sarung cincin and the gift from the man respectively. Done by the grandmother and the mother of the man...

These are so0 call the exchange gifts... This is from Azian's... Lo0k at it...Damn!! I so0 want that chips... huaks...

These partly some gifts from the man, abd again more chips and tidbits... Gosh!!!

Azian, Mom and Me!!! weee~~~

The ring... Cute!! Nice, well, it lo0ks abit like my mom's ring back then... huaks... Seems like Miss Azian has flower gold ring, i think i would like to have a white gold for my ring with small cutting, shape of a heart diamond... weee~~ hahaha... Well, in fact, I wouldn't want to be engaged... Chop Chop straight up to the wedding, aite... Easier, less complication and saves money for the time of my life... hehehhe...

Weekends

2009-07-18T05:50:00.000-07:00

Weekends = Weddings

Both of my cousin (maternal and paternal side) has gotten married. And my best friend has gotten engaged. Not to mention you know, aunties would come forward to you and asked 'when will be your turn?' etc... hahaha...

My BFF got engaged!

My first cousin paternal side wedding... and these are the rest of my cousins and nephews and nieces...

This are my dad's siblings...

From left, Uncle Sam (Sharudin), Uncle Din (Samsudin), Aunt Minah (Haminah), Uncle Emon (Samsaimon), Aunt lijah (Halijah), my dad (Suhaimi) and Aunt Midah (Hamidah). My cousin Imran and my grandma with the bride, Saedah...

My sister (Min), my sister-in-law (Emi) and myself with a newborn baby... Ermm.. Most people who saw me with this little sweet thinks my daughter but people, sorry to disappoint you... This is my new niece... N sadly enough an aunty i am that i forgotten her name... Shish!!!

This is my cousin maternal side. This uncle of mine is a co0l guy. He always crack us up with his lamest and funniest joke. There's another uncle named Sani and I have yet to join in with his jokes. I miss them. Only had the chance to meet them once in a year. Every time we meet, it's the best welcome to their house ever... wee~

Updates

2009-07-09T09:03:00.001-07:00

It has been nearly to a month since the shocking news strike the world. And I have yet to overcome the shock. I was at gate 2 and the radio at LUGE were playing this radio station featuring Michael Jackson, how such a heart felt sad...haiz...

C'mon, he passed on 25th June and my birthday is on 25th July.. haiyah!!! Hmm... My birthday is a curse?? Or is it?>?

What is it in for me? Well, I hadn't been updating my blog since,partly of the reason why. Another, I've been busy with life and alot more stuff in between... Let me take you on a ride of the missing days (I may have forgotten some details though, however I will try my best to update)...

I had KFC for breakfast today and added it with Crunch ice cream and chocolate fudge. Ehem!!! What a day to start with? Nevertheless, I had quite a fair share of dinner last night to0.

I didn't had such a go0d day therefore, to overcome my system i had these tidbits to 'cheer' me up. Chipster;'hot N spicy' and 'sour cream N onion', BIKA;chicken chips, two of strawberries yoghurt and grapefruit N aloe vera drink... So0, i had these tidbits for dinner. However, my stomach is not the stomach most people used to know. I didn't finish all in fact, i still have one yoghurt left to drink. hmm...just tempted to drink it so0n... (Thank you for introducing me to this drink, honey)Firstly, i ate BIKA and grapefruit drink. NNNNNNN....

I pour it into Transformers cup...weeeee~~!!!Well, while having my appetite filled, mom brought home Pizza Hut's hot N spicy chicken. Yummy yum yum... What a definite indulgence it is? Smiling with tasty treats... Delicious fo0d is my golden bonus treat of life. :D

The month of July has really taken my energy. I've been working pretty 'hard' compare to previous months. Need to get the engine fire up,man!!!

I wish to get more energetic and more motivated influence in what i'm doing so0n enough. I hadn't been going for driving lesson and I don't even know how i'm going pass...

Work has been fun and as usual some of the tourists make their remarks pretty well...hehehe...Enough to make me smile and remember why it's fun...

Busy with work and families, i still want my time to be spent with honey bunny baby...On our tenth monthsary, went to an interesting shopping mall. 0ohky, i know i'm more of a nature person but seriously, this new shopping mall is pretty much exceptional. Not because of the shops it have but more of what the walls are made off... hahaha... Still am a nature person, even shopping mall is re-using appliances that we probably don't need it in our area. Fyi, I'm more of a nature person while Mr Cavey is more of the City Boy...Though, he's an Army soldier.. huaks...(muacks!)

This is the shopping mall.

some of the walls...

lo0k how short i am...haiyah... co0l, i can be part of the extra wall...hehehe...

And so0, we had our fun time being models of each other's art piece.

They so0 lo0k alike...Coffe Bean Face (CBF) hehehe...

Step cute...hehe...

The day goes on and Mr Cavey with his camera taking pictures of us. Don't i lo0k like a supermodel? more like a wannabe supermodel.. huaks... Part of my desire's list... huaks...

Updates doesn't end there... weee~~~

2009-06-25T07:54:00.000-07:00

MICHAEL JACKSON *Rest in Peace*

Though i am not the biggest and fanatic fan of him, but i am still a fan that favor his talent since i was like 5 years old as far as i can remember.To find out from Mr Cavey, i thought he was joking that M.J has passed on.After learning the facts...I'm totally sad... Very sad!!!

He is the Icon and has an impact on every single one of those that have known his music and talents... A moment of peace for the King of Pop....

Crazy

2009-06-17T09:16:00.000-07:00

IT HAS BEEN CRAZY!!!

Wo0w! I'm freaking tired and really damn exhausted handling my life now. Phase 1, what do u expect anyway right? I've been having a little time to sleep lately and my body system is like 'can we get done with it?'...I know i'm not that go0d of a sleeper but it suck me off my energy, so0 u get what i mean? I am used to no sleeping well but this time around, it really does get my ass painful. I'm down with a flu or just a nose block and it's my worst enemy!!!! I totally dislike having this sickness... Gosh!!!

Double the job plus the sickness and dealing with 'happy N not so0 happy' moments = im damn tired!!! I want a vacation and enjoyment, i want thrill... I want to go for an adventure or somewhat...Seriously!!! hahah...

0ohky, i will stop with the whining thing. So0 far my week has been great. You people know i'm all about kids and babies and guess what, my week has been with full of joy from these group of babies. They won't stop let me have a smile on my face, wehehe~ They can be a pain in the ass at times but hey, kids are mischievious and funny at the same time. I miss being a baby sitter to babies. Call me young but I love baby sitting and taking care of babies. Especially taking them to places like the city or somewhat. Their expression of seeing new things just makes me feel so0 damn feaking happy and satisfied. Like, i've succeeded something in life. Y'know what I mean... And their smile and laughter with having them go to sleep are the bonus for me... hahaha... I love babies. Once I get married, I want to have lots of them... hahaha... Can can can??? At most 11 mixture of twins and triplets or better still if heaven's on my side, giving to 7 babies at once... hahaha... Damn! That's like SUPERMOM!!! huaks... I might have to marry a Billionaire to get these children of mine get through the life of the century... ahahaha...

First of all, the first picture is a baby that has no relation whatsoever with me or my family neither with the in-law of my brother. Her name is Shasha, that's what we call her. She's about 8 months old and the very EXPRESSIONLESS baby. Hard to get her smile because she's so0 'action'. But when she started smiling, just make your heart melt and the favourite she likes to do is to explore. She likes to go out and eat also. When she hugged and rested her head on me, i just melted. Aweee.... I miss her already. She is a 'manja' baby. cannot blame her because she is being surrounded by people ages from 20 and above... Who wouldn't want to spoil her? hahah... I'm not saying that there's no discipline but she isn't always at my house, so0 basically, there wasn't much of scolding...Besides, she's 8 months old,what do you expect?

See how she acts?She pretend to cry

Now,she's disturbing Irfan playing games on my handphone. She likes to talk to him and get his attention while Irfan,my nephew that I used to babysit years ago didn't really much entertain her when he has game on his hand. Game Freak! but he's more to Cars than games actually. He's the one that taught me how to play the PS2 games of cars. huaks!!! O0h yeah, i forgot to add that the both of them stayed over at my house over the weekend. Pretty co0l! One package...Exciting seh... but to0 bad I had to work and was abit broke so0 didn't get to spend and bring them out much... haiyah!!!

See,i was tired and sleeping my bro put her beside me on my two storey bed.I sleep at the top leh!!! So0, i was being forced to wake up because my brother put her there and left her. Haiyah!!! That's my one only left Winnie and it's bigger than her... She likes playing with Winnie...hahhaa.. really cute!! It seems like they have the similarities there...

The two wonderful kid and baby.. Muacks!

Now you believe me?

This here is my 'new niece'. My cousin(mek) gave birth to her and her name is 'Puteri' something something...erk!. I never met her at my other cousin's house because i went to work. Picture was taken by Irfan with my sister that time. I got by early before this baby comes.Sadly enough...

This is my other 'new nephew'
that my cousin(Kak Lina) gave birth to0. His name is Tengku Thaqif. Cute2 baby. When i first carried him, i treated him a little bit fragile and he cried but after a while i played with him. He gives me the smile and the laughter. Lucky, i seldom met him and that was my first time meeting him. If not, he might have kena kissed by me lots of times. Hehehe... Muacks!!! Irfan said that he's not a big brother to babies but when he met these little babies... He can't resist kissing them all... hahaa...

Thaqif, is so0 cute...

My sister-in-law will be giving birth so0n. Can't wait to have my own nephew! Wuho0o0o... It has been scanned and said it's a boy. Another Baby Boy to enlighten my life. Wonder if miracle happens that it would be a pair of twins and another would be a girl. Then niece and a nephew... Aweee.... Weee~ My sister-in-law and my brother aren't always here so0, i hadn't have quite a close experience in watching the pregnant mother is like in daily life during pregnancy but from the little2 experiences with pregnancies from stories and sharing moments... I can get the rough idea... Huaks!!!

Talking about pregnancy and stuff... My bestfriend is getting engage on the 27th of June which is next week. And I hadn't get her exact location of her house in JB but surely i know how to go there lah... Wah... My Bestfriend is getting ENGAGE... It's like we had these 'talks' about renting a home,living together back then but things are different and she going to build a family so so0n... I am so0 Happy for her. Wah... Going to miss the girls day out.

Life does has their meaning of its own... I just can't wait to travel out of the country and explore the world with or without that someone or my family. Sometimes, it's a life experience to find the meaning of your own existence through a journey of being alone. Not being alone in the dark but being alone as in independent. It's just a matter of time to find out. At the end of the road, there's a light to capture....

Back to Square One

2009-06-10T09:07:00.000-07:00

Back to square one!

I will be working two jobs so0n and i will be freaking busy and 'maybe' tired. Well, people sure you know me, 'tired' wasn't/isn't in my dictionary. I hope i will work things out in my life now.

My friendship with my friend is back to normal. I apologised for my coldness when she gave me worst but let it be pass. I can't be worse than i can be when someone reminds me what karma actually really means. Thanks... Yeah, not the badass as i was, so0 lucky for those people who didn't get my shots now... But don't let the evil in me out, cause i'm sure it will so0ner or later. As long as i can take it and see things as ridiculous, i can still talk. If not... You won't even hear you calling your own name... :D

June is here and what comes after June? JULY!!! My favourite month of the year... Wee~ Yeah! My birthday... Weehehhee... I have this daydreaming thingy and i was standing in the middle of a park and there were petals of flowers showering over me. It was nice... I mean, the beginning of 21st year is being welcome by a wonderful, cheering,nature concept... hahah... o0hky, i dnt know what that means but I did tell myself that I want a bouquet of Black Roses on my birthday,if not, probably on memorable date at least. Just as long as Black Roses are being given or bought for/by me.

Well, before babling about my birthday, my mom's will be on the 24th June!!! I have none in mind what to give her? I bought her a knitting book on MOther's day. Probably this time i should buy her threads??? hahaha... Gosh!!!

o0hky, so0 far that's what i'd like to write at the moment...

My week...

2009-06-05T08:17:00.000-07:00

This week was HELLISH!!! Can't wait for tomorrow... Going to meet my new baby born nephew (not my bro's child but my cousin's) and meeting my Mr Cavey to0 right after...

Monday was fine. 1st June, first day of the month. Starting the ball rolling. Fairly pleasant day and nothing much. However, i did catched the desperate housewives and the finale of America's Next Top Model. Who's that girl name? Well, she won and she do have the pretty face... Weehekk...hahah... I learn alot from the show though...

Tuesday and Wednesday were the Crew Rally day. I went for both days. Well, the first day was fun and the second day was abit boring, probably because i've used up most of my energy on the first day and didnt get to sleep well the night. So0 as a result... Besides, i came back to work after the rally. Damn freaking tired lah hor!!!

At the Crew Rally, of course, who's the crazy person??? Who??? Yeah!!! ME!!! weee.... noisy,crazy and full of energy till my voice gone to somewhere 'harsh'... It was fun and i feel like we're back on secondary school assembly time with some performance... At the end of the day, all of the Zones (NORTH SOUTH EAST AND WEST) have to take part on a dance competition and this one manager ask who can dance well... I sabo my friend and she SABOTAGED me!! Wah SIAN!!! Didn't want to let the whole of the North Macdonald's down, i had to0 do0 it lah hor....Didnt expect two other guys to be joining in but since they are in the same store so0 o0hky2 lah... I planned it to be some sort like battle of the sexes but when we're on stage, it turns out to be different. Had to go along with it, though... Besides, we got first and were the lead... On the second day, was suck!!! I did hv some crazy moments but most of the time we sat down so0, worse than i can remember on the assembly moments back in school... hmmm...

Thursday was my driving lesson and again, i still have to read my bo0ks... hahaha... Gosh! I did freak out a little while driving, really... I don't know if i get use to it but sure i will and I hope that i gather my confidence well... hope so0...

Today, i shouldn't be going to work but was woken up 9 in the morning... It's a really rushing day for me...seriously!!! I planned the day that i will be meeting my friends in the evening and i had to go to work and they released me late. You can say that I was late for 1hr to meet my friend. I have to meet 3 different friends... My best friend, close friend and a colleague of mine which happended that we rock on the same boat, rocking the same music... (Girl!! We are so0 going to hang out some time so0n... ;)

Pretty rushing but i had a hellish time!!! Even if i can't hang out long hours with each of them at a very short notice, i still get to spent my time with each and everyone without any complaints... Wee~

To Shikin, I pray for you for your safe journey and be back in one piece, aite!!! I'm so0 going to miss you and Thank YOU so0o0o0o much for being there for me when I needed you the most and consoling me at the time when i really needed to put my limbs back together... Love you, girl!!!

Tomorrow, will be another day... Can't wait for it!!! I'm sure, am going to enjoy my weekends... Life has a lot to surprise me...

Haizel

2009-05-30T23:14:00.001-07:00

Finally, I met up with Zel2... He has grown so0 much and so0 cute and clever but as the usual he never want to talk much with us. To0 shy,probably. I miss him so0 much. I didn't get to take his and his brothers pictures because my handphone battery were low in life.

His family were there too with his step-siblings. Well, his younger step sibling,Elda, kind of a 'crybaby'. My charisma seems to brought her to calm at some point, however, she can be very 'action' around her mother which can be quite irritating and cute at the same time.

Haizel, was quite quiet than usual but we talked about the Mr Bean show. He's really clever and sweet. He really concentrated and a fan of Mr Bean. He has started schooling and what i heard from his grandmother, he doesn't want to leave school. He loves school and he showed me the books to0. I am proud of him. Still missing him though...

Driving lesson 1

2009-05-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

That's my dream car with my another BOTAK boyfriend, Dom(Vin Diesel)! Isn't it wonderful to have a boyfriend who actually owns your dream car, like speechlez!!! (Baby Cavey - you t0ld me she's sexy and has the curve... I have the muscle of my own 2,baby! Plus with the hottest lad to0... hehehe)I am starting with the pracs and not so0 go0d....

I'm excited but I am pretty nervous and scared!!! Driving a car! Gosh!!! I've always dreamt about cruising and driving al0ng roads. Seriously, i didn't really thought i'd really will be driving! wo0ow!! My dreams coming true... but... AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! I need to calm down and relax...I'm really scared2!!! I know I am fearless but cars,me and others... I ought to be fear!!!

Well, my choice of the day to cruise around is when the night falls upon the earth! One thing, not much of vehicles and smo0th, calm road.If only i'm staying in America or New Zealand or Switzerland, any time of the day would be perfect! Wo0w! Anyho0o0o,frankly, i can't wait to get over with it.

Mommy, Daddy, Baby Orange! I wouldn't be home for the night, check me up at around 3 in the morning, I might be watching LOST!!! ^_^

(Isn't he a beauty?)(I'm HOT!)

He's off to TekonG!

2009-05-24T10:23:00.001-07:00

I think the nice2 color i can think off to use are Lime, Deeppink, Red and Yellow! so0, perhaps i think im going to use either one of these only... Limited colours... hhaha... I love colours but sometimes it doesn't lo0k quite appealing and visibly in BLACK! Hahah!!!

Anyho0, i went out to send Mr Caveman back to his island. Gosh! He lo0ks muscular in uniform and handsome 2. I've always like men in uniform but not all. Some misused it with arrogance which turns me off instantly! But, of course not my cavey~!

We had dinner at McDonalds' and met up with two of his friends. They talked about NS stuff which i was like, o0hky i know nuts but just go along and listen... Mr Caveman jokes and Predator, Ramb0 just flow out of his mouth. It was quite hilarious! Lucky, i didn't choked.

When it was time for him to fall in, i was like, so0 so0n? haha!!! But he has to go and in 2 weeks time i'll be meeting him for sure. Or somewhat! hmmm... There were like LOTS of SOLDIERS with HUGE BAGS! I feel so0 tiny and mind you, they wouldn't know who would be standing behind them, the next thing you know, you'd probably be on the ground knocked out. I was being careful and slow, Mr Caveman were searching for me and told me to walk next to him... Funny! If i were to walk next to him, i'd be in the middle of GREEN GIANTS!! I tried to walk and sneak my way through.

At a point, he was standing there with his green family waiting for the bus to take them to the terminal. I was standing somewhere near with his two other friends watching him. One of his friend asked,''is it sad to watch him go?" I thought that I would be sad seeing him go from the moment i stepped out of the house today but when i saw him with uniform, that feeling just minimized. I mean, he's going for training and serving the nation. I should not be sad or worried, he's a SOLDIER. I should be proud of him. Sound a lil cocky but seriously, that's how i feel. It's like he just went off for camping y'know! Like OBS or something... huaks!! And so0 i said,'ohkylah'... Well, at times i DO feel SAD and MISS him like tremendously!!! It's a lo0o0onnnnggggg way to go. I shall have patience...

Well, and after all that awed seeing him in uniform...I forgot to take his pictures! o0o0o ...Damn!! I hope i could squeeze some time to meet him next week...Hopefully!

2009-05-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

Orange Gals

The Victory wasn't ours but we had a hell of a time that day!!! My Futsal teammates. I miss those times people!!! Damn, i wish we had more exams holidays so we can have these get togethers. Sadly enough we ain't getting any! Mind you im the youngest and started working so0, haiz... No m0re fun! I miss kicking ball and dancing in the field. Wehehe... My opponent kind of get distracted with me dancing while waiting for the ball to be kick in other words waiting for the game to start. hahaha!! Had so0 much fun, running in the sun and rolling back on the ground.Really co0l!!! I think, if Faiz were to be there or if i have met him then, i think he'll probably think im interested in girls! hahaha...

The next stop--My 20th Birthday!

The left lo0ks, eerm, I like the right... Makes me lo0k more simple and beautiful. hahaha...I didn't realise about the picture i had taken there. Gosh! Seriously,the eyes lo0k overdone but I like the lip colour... hehehe... Nudie!! Probably, the eyes can be under tone if the eyebrow is being darken abit and the eye shadow more natural or light colours. hmm... o0hky, make-up tips from me??? I know nuts about make up then... Now, i like them... hehehe.... I LOVE MY EYES!!!

Other than make up, I lo0ove clothes and style and fashion... Yesterday, I went out with him and instead of wearing sneakers (my fav) i wore heels. I mean, I bought heels to wear and not to display it in the shoe racks till Hari Raya which only comes by once a year. You may lo0k classic but every year with the same sh0e, lo0ks pretty lame at times. 0hky anywayz, I lo0k at myself in the mirror and it feels so0 co0l. I mean, it lo0ks like im a professional with my 0wn style. He said if i were to lo0se the belt and the heels with sneakers on, it lo0k way more co0ler. Yeah, i know but I do want to feel and be feminine with heels to0 y'know... I think he misses me lo0king tomboyish, haha... No doubt about the sneakers, once in a while wouldn't hurt,at least i thought it won't. Btw, to add... It's a girl thing to have heels and put them on...

(this is my heels...It's a BEAUTY... n it's a KILL to try for!!!)

However, at the end of the day, my feet are broken! hahaha... I start to wonder if only I could have better feet to handle the pain. But I like walking in heels. It makes me glide like a swan PAINFULLY! I mean, seriously. I've forgotten how much pain it can feel and c'mon, i can still feel the pain right now! Gosh!! It would feel so0 go0d if my feet in submerged with warm water and minty soap. o0o0o... that would feel rejuvenating and fresh...

Anyho0o, yesterday we catched Night at the Museum 2!!! Funny and co0l but i think Night at the Museum 1 is way co0ler... huaks!!! 0oh! Before that we had lunch at an indonesian cuisine. I had Chicken No0dle and Mr.Caveman had Fried No0dle... I must say that I am impressed with the meals. Tasty!!! Chicken No0dle has the extravangant frangrance and the taste of the sauce is just so0 moderate with the spices, goes nice with the soup that is light and yummy 2... Hmm, the Fried No0dle has it's spiciness and very light i suppose. But i think i prefer Thai Fried No0dle then that... hehe...

After movie, we began to feel hungry and Mr. Caveman gets pretty cranky and grumpy when he's hungry! I may say that he would swallow a whole 100 pound of beef and gobbled up 10 more chickens if he's hungry! hahaha... We went to BK to fuel up!

I ordered the spicy burger and he ordered the rendang! Oh an also the Mexican Spicy Drumlets, yummy... However, yesterday's drumlets was a disappointment. It was dry. It wasn't Juicy, i could have just complaint about it. Damn! I understand why customers can be pretty cho0sy and particulars about their fo0d. hahah...n i don't know how we end up talking about POO! I think fighting the enemy with po0 would be nice. 0r maybe i've watched to0 many carto0ns and comedies? ahahah...

Mr Caveman has been in the f0ur season way to0 long (hot, hotter, hottest,fucking hot) and seems the aircon had him shivers. I laughed my heads off!!

(ESPRIT)

There after we went to Esprit and shop! I fell in love with (as usual) a black co0l button and zipped jacket. It cost $99.00 from $129...$30 less...Gosh! The last time i bought a jacket was like centuries ago. C'mon, you people know me... I lo0ve JACKETS/SWEATERS... It's heaven when i owned the jackets i fell in love with. Anyho0, i'm pretty beat so0 it's hell this time. I've always been jealous with the guys cause most of the AWESOME AND CO0L jackets were MENs. so0, not having to own this one would be just like any other. But, i tell you this, i won't stop loving and having JACKETS!!! May not have the same desgin but i'm an accessoriser of my own style and design! Wonder if i could be a model for my on style.. hahah... Dream on little lady... (so0 people, u noe what to get me for my birthday! I dnt mind having 24 of the same jackets for my prezzie)

Btw, Mr. Caveman bought a grey jeans which previously tried on at the Tower. Wismas' Esprit has his perfect size. He lo0ked go0d and sexy in it. He did asked me this question,'what type of jeans do you like me to wear?'... I said anything but i like it rusty type... Makes it lo0k hot and worn off like as if he had been wearing the same jeans working at the barn... wo0w!! Yep, ladies still am with the Barn/Farm lads! hahah... :P

(he's just pissed cause i was kind of flirting with erm... Mr Vin Diesel... Another Botak lad... heheh)

Before ending the day, Starbucks people... Chocolate Cream Chip... I still want Double chocolate from Mccafe... hehehhe...My ass will be back as J.Lo if i keep this diet up... damn! Got to stop... huaks!!!

("should i drink again or should i not?My ass will be as fat? Damn! should i? - Mr Botak Caveman couldn't make up he's mind...)

Pix

2009-05-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

Just as SWEET as it lo0ks...

I lo0k like Marie Antonieette(i dnt know hw to spell it) wannabe! Elegant with the umbrella at Botanical Garden. This was the time when I was alone at B.G while waiting for the others to arrive. I was bored and it was shining bright after a fall. But it was fine! I enjoyed taking pictures... I lo0k PRETTY!!! Hehehe... However, i discovered something else....

I lo0k DIFFERENT!!! Like i'm not the HAJAR/HAIMIN most people knew... Hmmm... I guess that, I'm a grown up and finally-bo0st up my confidence?? huaks... Well, it's life i suppose! Changes do come around. What was the metaphor given by Grissom? People never change for who they are but people never stop changing for what they are. Or is it? Well, I can't remember his exact words. What he meant by that is - people never stop changing but they never change who they are inside. The beauty and trueself of a person remains. People change for the better and people do what's best for themselves to be part of themselves... Anyho0o0o... I l0ve myself more now! I love the way I lo0k and I am quite surprise for what I am capable of and have talent for... hehe..

People of the w0rld!!! Have you ever seen me in PINK dress before??? I don't think ANYONE have seen me in pink dress b4. Hmm... Actualy, there were some. My mom sewed me a dress for Hari Raya back when I was about...erm... when was Anatasia movie premiered?...yeah, back then... Well, I wore it only once. But seriously other than that... I don't think ANYONE have seen me in that (picture) kind of dress b4. And it's a flashy one to0...I got the jacket to cover up, You peeps know me...I don't do flash to be Sexy!!! Huaks!!!

Pictures perfect? Pictures Not! I just l0ve taking pictures... I know am not pretty or beautiful as Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Lopez for an instant but hey, I do have some of their resemblance...hehe... I'm joking...

Highlights

2009-05-20T00:19:00.000-07:00

"Highlights"

It has been a hell of a week! So0, i hadn't update about Mother's day such as the pictures haven't been uploaded. Will do it so0n enough. Get news flash, I was wearing a white with black prints dress, played a game and I SLIPPED and FALL, ROLLED ON MY BACK!!! But it's way fun!!!

Not until the end of the day and the rest of the week was a disaster. Work, was fine and had an interview,went for it and i blew it. Wonder where that would end me up to0? -_-"

A few things i learnt, be honest, live life to the fullest and hey, just save the facts and laugh about it later.

Hang out with my homie, Wan (the only one :Pbluek). Miss you damn much lah! We should catch up on things more often. You still put sense in my mind. Wonder if you could have it some to someone's head. hahaha... Well, someone's in Polytechnic got to watch his grades to0, being busy like a bee... wehehe...

Went out with my Girl Friends last friday, yeah!!! Haven't had the pictures yet! Got a compliment, i lo0k 14 years old trying to be matured!!!???? Thanks, girls... Loving you!!! Well, I never want to be matured and neither do i want to lo0k younger... Hmm... The facts there!!! Wehehehe...

Anyho0o0o, had a GREAT, FUN TIME!!! We should be doing this often, girls! Someone is going to be owned and got a little time to spend... We're the angels here... I mean, Charlie Angels!! huaks...o0h, we met up with this guy named Sue whom i would sue him for his sin. Gals, you did said 'Dayus!!!' out loud!!! Speak it LOUDER next time!!! Wuho0o0o, i ain't scared with the board... Get what I mean? huaks...

We got so0 much to plan and talk about stuff, yeah!!!

End of the week was abit slack. Went out with my boyfriend, Faiz and could have gone for the fireworks or the Motor Cross but way crowded and I kind of forgot about the fireworks at Marina Barrage. Watched Angel and Demons---I am smart to figure out who's the culprit!!! You got to be lucky to have me as smart... ;) At least, i don't FAKE the facts... hehehe...

Sun was a slack and start off with new week...

Pretty crazy at work and i'm angry for some reason!!! Other than that, everything's co0l and when is the 'AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL' showing? gosh! I worked my ass off that i've forgotten about it, at least i didn't miss the CSI! weho0o0o...

So0, these are just highlights will get to the inside story so0n... I lo0k FABULOUS with the dress... eheks...

You

2009-05-09T10:45:00.001-07:00

All those times when I thought I had it bad

You told me that I'm fine and doing well

All those times when I cried

You wipe my tears away

All those times when my most fear hunts me

You assured me that everything's going to be fine

All those times when we fought

You forgave me for my wrong

All those times when we had it all

You h0ld me close and never let go

N now, things are different and I miss you so0...

Islands away, my heart yearns for you.

I never fear and I never will doubt cause I have YOUR HEART

with me and pumping my blo0d to live.

My heart's with you while you're surviving it... ;)

Enjoying....

2009-05-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

I find my life pretty interesting. Knowing people of different backgrounds and having to know heartbreak and love all at different angle and views. It may seem like I am an attention seeker, but i don't need any of your opinions about who's right or who's wrong. My previous post may have some controversies, like my blog addy - the next life of mine... c'mon, life isn't always up nor downs and sometimes life is funny to have some things happened that you may find it damn pathetic to0 be bothered about. Frankly, i wasn't seeking attention but it's just for an UPDATE for those who are involved and an ENTERTAINMENT for the rest!!! =) A little spice in a drama... Probably a very LAME one!!!

My life has becoming more and more exciting at every each moments of the day. Though its the same routine as any other day but every day there will be something to be remembered of. Like today, at work something mysterious happened. I was one of the counter and my manager only skim my money once at $100. When she spot checked, I had less $65 and the weird thing the 'bank' had extra $65 but who might have did the swapping? I never stepped into the bank and my manager only touched it when skimming... 0o0o0o0o.... I have a ghost friend??? o0o0o.... Casper, if it's u...Don't get my heart stop pumping like that again.... hahahha....

well, im pretty beaten now...say WHATEVER!!! I love my life... I am thankful with whatever, little and big things that has happened... If not for what has happened, I won't be who I am today... THANK YOU!!!

My nephew, Haizel... On my 20th birthday... Hehe... I miss him so0 much...

These are my nephews from left anti-clockwise, Norhan, Irfan and my niece, Putri and Me... They just miss me so0 much that they're all over me... Well, of course i miss them!!! Helo0o0o....

My life, is as beautiful each passing day... Im enjoying it!!! :D

Entertainment Tonight - Controversy

2009-05-07T21:49:00.000-07:00

Entertainment Tonight - Controversy!!!

A phone call was received...

Ziplock: Ko busy?

Me: Nope, why?

Ziplock: Ko kat mana?

Me: Aku kat popular, lepas ni aku pi orchard.

Ziplock: Jauhnya...

Me: Asal? Apa hal?

Ziplock: Takde aku tk tau arr macam mana nk bilang...

Asal? Apa masalah ko?

Ziplock: Takde, tadi kawan rapat kitaorg...

Me: Siapa? Yang mana?

Ziplock: Si jantan...

Me: o0hky, asal ngn dier? Apa dier dah buat?

Ziplock: Dia bilang aku yang dier plan nak p redang with us arr the tri six. Abeh aku cakap lah yang aku tk leh make it so0, you all just go ahead without me. Then he said that he already expected that i would say that. Aku tak tau arr. Aku macam tk nk ade closeness agi arr. I mean, i am happy now. I feel like ending it with him and her lah.

Me: Jadi ko pon nk end it ngn aku sekali arr...

Ziplock: Entah eh... Aku mcm tk feel lagi...

Me: I don't know arr... I cannot say anything on the behalf of the rest but to me, yeah in friends we do fights but what is past let it be arr... (n u're telling me this why???)

Ziplock: Aku sebenarnya nk pi toilet tau...

Me: P lah nanti kol aku balek ke per...

(Sms session)

Ziplock: Aku juz sms kk. Sorie to say lah bt i wana quit frm dis whole ting. i cn c dat im much hapi nw.

Me: U do noe der isn't any quit in fwenship, rite? Its jst hw u accept the good and the bad of a person lah. Sorry 2 say bt ur problems btwn the other 2 which does not involve any major damage, u make it as if its a major thing and brought it upon ur shoulder lh.. i dnt noe wat n y exactly ur problem is with them or even with us as a group that make u're not hapi.. Sims 2 me dat we dnt hv much agreement 2 ur opinions ajek... sorry if i'm straightforward ar... bt cn i noe what exactly make u a downpour? (Frm my point of view)

Ziplock: Coz i juz dun C anything in it anymore. Or shud i say dah muak ahh or perhaps sick&tired we each of U??Thus i wanna end it. Its nt i cn't accept each other bt ntah kite tk sebulu. So yeah sumhw jgk i think kinda regret abt dis whole ting. Lyk bcuming one of trisixx n osos start talking w each of U again?Juz adding strez du u noe dat? (what exactly i put u 2 stress when i'm listening to U?)

Me: I dnt noe watz ur problem w me.. N i dnt noe wat strez i put 2 u..Im jst saying what i c...If u're accepting, do u accept if i say ure the one nt being sincere abt the fwenship bcz i dnt noe wat r the conflicts dat put to u to dat position? We were ohky the last tm... (I am clueless what went wrong)

Ziplock: I cn accept da words of nt being sincere coz yupp nw i am feeling it Thus im ending it. Cn't U gt it? I dun wanna live in denials lyk U. Owaez praying tings will get fine one day n grieving to da past.Im change nw. I dun wanna be da old me hu owaez giv in to shyt coz i wun buy it anymore. Im heading for da future nw N nt gonna luk at da past nw.Wasting my freaking tym. So nw tings dat I find it pathetic shyt, i wun kip it. (WTF!You called me to tell me that u're ending or bullshyting n bombard me??? What hv i done wrong?What is the meaning of this?)

Me: Hey, i dun gv a damn abt wat strezg u among us... I dnt hv the problem w the people.. Im nt in denials! Yes, i pray 4 the best cz i believe god is fair. Im jst accepting wt challenges is being brought to me..Im nt grieving the past, im learn frm the past, few times mayb a failure. Luk diz iz abt u, nt me.. y r u being childish n push it to me? If u want 2 end it dn its ur choice, im jst saying wt i tot i shud say abt watz going on dat make u fil negative being in tri-six.. Im not a person dat throw a person away bcz of their true colors unless dey r really damn bad dat destroys my dignity. (I'm just saying truthfully abt me and my principle abt friends, terasa apasal?! I'm not comparing you to me, o0hky!!)

Ziplock: Ouh! Plz lah... Luk to da past, u're worst. Im nt pushing to U. U say dat coz U left w no other choice beb! Sdah lah bobal ngn kau is worthless. Ape ape kau pkr psl aku, aku will a'ah kn n accept it w a big smile =) i had enuff. So yeah tc in future. Dun mess up AGAIN WIT UR RELATIONSHIP N WEN ADY BROKE PLZ JUZ ACCEPT DA FACT GOD IS FAIR. *winkies* kau nk ckp aku childish yes i am - still kippin a teddy wit me ;P well, dis is me whether u like it or nt. Choice is in ur hand. Seriously i dun hv any probs wit my other frens accept wit U guys so yeah probs lies wit U guys nt me. End of conversation. (Who called who seh?N helo0, i've already said God is Fair...which part yg ko tk paham?Yg p involve akunya relastionship apa hal?You're childish, ko punya psl lah dun hv to drag my personal stuff into the conversation!!! I did said that i dun throw a fwen bcuz of his or her true colours, tk paham english ke per?KO yg nk end, ko punya hak arr...Pushing to me,telling me im the worst and worthless n accept my fate??Stop it seh!!!)

Me: Eh2, im nt the one dat call up a fwen n say 2 end a fwenship, im nt the one dat make another fwen a scapegoat..n im nt the fwen dat gossip behind a fwen..n again, im nt the one who starts bullshiting.. Lo0k in the mirror ohky... (Damn furious!!! It's abt her ending the fwenship and why the hell my relationship is being involved and highlighted?Again, it's abt fwenship!!! My relationship is between my boyfriend and myself!!!My choice lah if i want to accept!!!Takde kena mengena ngn ko per! Tk mengoyakkan seluar dalam ko per perkara akunya relationship!!!)

Ziplock: We are equal. Yes, i admit abt gossiping, dose are facts. U to0. Lk i said we are EQUAL.(Well, i did gossip but i never FAKE and i've told the victim and apologised!!! What past is past! N i am NOTHING like you!!! WE are totally NOT EQUAL!!!)

Me: Apa2 jelah ima... Aku mls tau nk layan ngn konya cave mode lah apalah. Im the one shld b saying its wasting my fcking tm 2 hv good fwenship with u. I swear, i dnt noe wt wrong i've made 2 u jst bcz im part of the group 2. If u say im the worst ke apa ke... Thank you 4 seeing the worst in me, im nt the one yg wants to be in tri-six at first n who consoled me? Its u n i thank u for that cz nw i noe dat i am worth 2 b fwens with. Up 2 u lah, ur life... Its sad that u cm 2 me n say all diz n i listened n gv opinion, diz is the shyt i get frm u..Mcm melepaskan anjing yg tersepit.. Like u said, Allah maha kaya, adil dan segala cobaan dariNya. Nt my choice to accept u, bt ur choice to accept others with u... Assalamualaikum (I always become your scapegoat and being to0 soft to you!Whatever lah eh!)

Oh!n i dnt understand wen u claimed 2 say dat i left with no other choice? N y i said u push to me is bcz u said im in denials n all dose shyt...I ws jst trying to figure out watz ur problem n the possibilities of negative in the fwenship yet u push it at me saying im at denials n grieving 2 the past, i totally dnt want ur opinion on me 2 hw i c my fwenship in tri-six or any other stuff.. I think ure the one dat left with no other choice... Thanks for the tips and sarcasm... Wassalam... (It's my eyes, my heart and mind on how to see my friendship and it's abt you not me!!!I'm not with the problem!!!)

End (extract from my handphone =)

Funny lah! Im not the one that called,yet i'm the one that is being called WORTHLESS to talk to??? N helo0, we were talking abt fwenship, why the hell you have to highlite abt my relationship??? You have no rights, beb!!! Or maybe because u left with no other choice. Gosh! Get a grip lah!!! Who's the one living in denials?

People!!! I do admit that when Faiz called it a quit, I did not accept that it ended...But hey, dah jodoh lah seh! ...(n let me highlight this, is this abt me or abt the person who called me n bullshyt abt fwenship? Wait! fwenship with Tri six n my relationship are two different things!!!) Ko jealous per kita dah patched up, ko jealous per Izzat ngn Sery rapat... Aidah has put the past behind her, who's the one grieving 2 the past and not accepting the future??? Ask yourself lah o0hky...

I'm pissed!!!

2009-05-02T05:06:00.001-07:00

Just when I thought the sky is blue and the grass is green, clouds began to pour their weight out and fades the colours away. I had an umberella but it jammed at the moment i need it most.

Just as I thought when the bus arrived and I hoped on to get a seat, a man dashed me off and pushed me down to the flo0r. I could have $cursed him but my mouth were in silent just when i need it the most.

Just when I thought it was over for the day, my bed were wet cause i did not shut my window while it was raining. I had a nice, comfy bed to ease my pain but it was unavailable when i need it the most...

I miss the tri-six

2009-04-30T05:03:00.000-07:00

I miss all my friends! The go0d times and the bad times all of us had. Here’s the bad thing, my computer has crashed and ALL of my pictures with my friends are not retrievable except those pictures i to0k from my friend and the left over from my handphone. (mostly the tri-six)

The Circle of FriendsFriends in a circle

Friendship is something that every human needs. However, the definition of friendship between two genders is different. Female tend to have specific category for friends such as close, not close, trust, not trustable etc. For male, they have only two, friends and the no-friends. Either way, all of us are humans and we all need friends in some ways.

Masquerade? Jason? Where the hell both of them come from? Jason is NO go0dy!...Masquerade will be next on Jason's list. Hmm, more like Jason wannabe... -_^

"WTF! PI CARI YG LAIN! DONT DISTURB ME!!! DON'T BE A PSYCHO!!"
Gaduh ngn girlfriend pon tk agak2 si apek ni!

I know i'm sweet among the sweetest... ^-^

We FOUR girls are here to stay!!!

Friends to me, they let me find myself from within. Other than knowing who they are, they helped me find who I am and understand the word called - friendship. You can have lots of friends and choose your own circle of friends. However, friends are not always happy. Its logic, life isn’t always happy.

The journey...

Dinner,

Outings,
Celebrating AND...

We do fights among each other and have huge arguments at times. Sometimes we locked ourselves to be away from each other-shut the do0r, close the window, switch off every connection with the other party. (Just plain alone time). To make ourselves be happy and away from what makes us ticked off. When the time is right, we would communicate again with the other party.

Fights...

From fights, we learn about each other and have our own fun time together. Being ourselves! Being just happy and outbreak free from the other world. Friends accept us for who we are and yes, they do have ‘skin’ but hey, true friends are those who tell you the truth. Things you never want to hear. Things you never expect them to say. These friends are those who see ‘YOU’ and not the U, you want them to see.

Fly and Free
Nasty Rides!Fun and Co0l...

Just casual -_*

Friends do play a part in every ones’ life. Accepting one another is the basic principal in having

friends. Understanding is another important value to have...

It has been a Year!

2009-04-25T22:22:00.000-07:00

A YEAR has passed and I am still missing him so0 much. The one and only one that I haven't got over from his passed. It was quite challenging and I had been dealing with almost quite alot of things. I may have done numerous,un-supposed thing. Well, at times when i get lonely...Mr 0ne and 0nly will always be there for me... comfort me, makes me laugh... when he's gone, i was kinda become a parasite. Clinging to someone or something that would make me smile. Sound sad but i'm not embarrassed though. Cause that was ME! (unfortunately).However, I never felt unfortunate and i appreciate those who have been around to make me smile. THANK YOU PEOPLE!!!THANK YOU SWEETHEART!!!

Bob, named after my favourite singer back then. He's charming and sweet.I never thought that i'd be so0 attached to him and so0 was he to me. He's lovable, active and at times just being plain 'don't give a damn' cat. At times he's naggy. Whenever I'm sad, happy or plain boring, he will be around without fail.

Just having him as my best friend, I never could have asked for anything else. When the children around, he'll me hiding himself somewhere that no one can find him (unless if those kids when he knows). Children,especially the toddlers or newborn are sensitive with his 'species', i would feel sad not to have him by my side entertaining the kids. At the same time, he's scared and kids are sensitive. I would feel relief when all the kids went home, then i can hug him and entertain him, most of all irritate him. He sleeps with me and at times with my parents. The routine was always, mom's ro0m first then in the early morning like 3am, would be on my bed.

When i have to wake up early in the morning to study, he would be awake to0 and accomapny me outside. Sometimes he dose to sleep. When he sleeps, i would wake him up... hehehe... Just a little fun... :D

When he was away, i was kind of lost and at times I feel insecured and depressed. Who knows what happened to him there?Will he have enough fo0d?Warmth?He slept outside my grandma house. If only i have my own house, i would have never let him stay at my grandma's house. Unfortunately he has to0 cause my parents thought its for his best. (i still think it's a mistake).

How he die was the worst!I wish i could have stayed with him for the rest of his life in this world. It was hard for me to forgive myself and I still find it hard to believe that he's gone. But, someone told me once a life is gone, is gone... Cherished the moment you had with him/her when they're still alive.Memory is all that is left and memory is now my companion of him.

Today, it's time to let the past go down the river and flows to the end of the world. He will always be in my heart PERMANENTLY!! I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!!!!!

Here's my memory and the last pic i to0k with him... (i made a video but i couldn't upload it,sadly)

Greetings....

2009-04-25T21:43:00.000-07:00

Hey people.I'm back....

Let me start with saying...Life has been challenging yet again.As you becoming an adult, you'd find life in a very different meaning and prospective between your life and LIFE itself.

News flash:A new beginning of my Life...

My brother has just gotten married and THANK YOU FRIENDS FOR COMING!! <my sister and me are fine now.How?Well, let's just say she returns the deed i did for her years back.She's back at scho0l undertaking Advanced Diploma in something to do with the nurse. Me? Hmm... Something new about myself, I'm attached,getting a car license(a lil late is better than never) and going to be an Aunty, for my own niece/nephew. I'm all excited!! Weehehehe....but, I still haven't complete my mission as being an 'adult'. Wait! C'mon doo I want to be an adult? hehhe, you peeps do know me a little welll... i'm all about young and happy.

This is my first post in my newest posh blog. i might not update it as often but i will definitely update. Stay tune to find out what so0 special and exciting about this blog of mine....